Being With, Not Just For

This afternoon, I did something significant—I posted a launch event for the Self-Perception Studio.

But this moment here is not about that.
It’s about the feeling that maybe what I do doesn’t matter.

As an individual who has been in my bedroom for much of my time since February 2025, living by myself and rarely having visitors who come just to spend time with me, it gets lonely.

People who come into my home are usually care providers, neighbors helping with Toffee’s walk, or sometimes emergency professionals.
People who come here to do something.

I do have people in my life—people who reach out sometimes, people I host on meetups every Tuesday and Thursday night.

And yet, somehow, I feel alone.
Not because I have no one in my life—I know I do.

This feeling is not about not having people.
It’s about needing a kind of connection that is simply part of life.

Someone who doesn’t have to be here for something.
Someone who is here just to be with me.

Someone choosing to drop by to play a board game.

Someone choosing to come hang out for a bit.
Someone smiling at me being silly.
Someone laughing with me.
Someone saying, “I like seeing you.”

It’s crazy how simple that sounds, and yet how rarely I have it.

It hits harder on some days than others.
With my memoir and the virtual studio launch on the horizon, I think my longing for connection—and for some signal that what I do and who I am matters—makes sense.

I know I matter to my body.
I know I matter to my babies—Toffee, Milo, Nacho, and Cheese.

I know the work I do and who I am matter to me, and maybe to someone somewhere who feels alone too. I know that deep in my heart.

Sometimes, it just feels good to hear it too.

The work I do is not the kind that makes noise or shifts rooms, so it’s easy to question whether it matters at all.

Especially given my lived reality and limited capacity, I only have so much I can do in a day—or in a life.

What I want myself to remember is this:

This moment right here matters.
It’s all I have.

And I am living it fully, even when I miss what I don’t have.